It was the worst of times it was the best of times.

WARNING: Incredibly long post. But an important one.
I wasn't going to blog about this but I decided that I should. There are several of you who do read this that I am close to (mainly through blogging) and I didn't want to email everyone individually. I apologize to those who already know this about me.

This last year (2008 until now) has been a difficult year. Perhaps the most challenging of my life. I don't need to remind you all of why, you've read enough complaints from me. But this week was the icing on top of the toppling cake. Here is how it went. I know this is a bit personal....like I said, I didn't want to blog about it before. But honestly, it helps me out. And I think it gives others a perspective on my life and help others who have already gone through something like this.

Stomach flu + miscarriage=crappy week.

This is what I get for too being grateful last week. So this week I am grateful for modern inventions:

--Clorox wipes: For cleaning up after two vomiting children, two diarhetic child and one that cannot manage to get his in the potty. Plus two diarhetic adults and 1 vomiting husband.

--Washing machines: to be able to do the 10th load of laundry for the aforementioned unmentionables.

--Microwaves: for re-heating leftovers for dinner during a hard week (which may have given us the stomach bug..still unknown).

--Modern medicine: for those who have miscarriages.

--Cell phones: to call people for support when in need.

--TV--to act as a babysitter when all mom wants to do is sleep or research Webmd.com or miscarriages online. And then to be able to entertain the whole family when we're all sick.

--Laptop: portable internet.

--Internet: to be able to order cool designer fabrics on sale from Etsy! (one good thing this week)

--Large mixing bowls: to puke in.

--Kleenex (Or just my sleeve): to wipe away the tears.

For some reason, I figured I would miscarry at some point. Only 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. But when I discovered I was pregnant nearly 2 weeks ago I already had my announcement in mind (how to blog about it and inform my family). But I had almost immediately felt back pains and minor cramping, which I hadn't experienced before. So when I started spotting, I knew something was different about this pregnancy. And obviously, it didn't keep. It has been hard. I don't know if I have fully "recovered" from it yet but I also have strength in the Lord, family and friends to help me through this.

I know things happen for a reason. I have faith that my Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, as menial as we may feel at times. I certainly don't know why I needed to have this challenge at this time. I don't know if that will be my last pregnancy either. I just don't know yet. But I have faith that things will work out.

It's interesting.... life is. Let me reflect a little. When I was in high school, my sophomore year, I tried out for the varsity volleyball team. I really enjoyed it and improved as the week long try-outs went on. But ultimately I was cut. But that same semester I was in an acting class and discovering I really enjoyed that as well. One thing turned into another, one dream developed into another. Because I was cut from sports I was able to focus my attention on the arts. And thank heavens I did! I am a late bloomer, in all categories of life. But I am also a perfectionist and perserverer (not a real word....) And had I not been rejected by sports I don't think I would have pushed as hard for excelling in drama. At the time, my sophomore mind could not see the perspective. It was too immature to wrap itself around future goals and dreams or glories. But looking back, I can now see where the Lord was taking me. One opportunity turned into another.

Last year as I struggled with rejection with the my biggest dream since that high school experience....acting, I was angry. I have been rejected several times while in college but my skin was not as thick as it was then, or something. And I struggled w/this loss. I kept trying, because I don't give up easily, and still got cut. But now, NOW after nearly 6 months from last being rejected, I have a better perspective. I could not understand THEN why Heavenly Father allowed my dream to be shattered once again! It was the perfect opportunity...not breastfeeding, not pregnant, Tyler's schedule open at nights, etc. Why did it have to happen? It added to depression and confusion and anger. I felt myself slipping and losing faith.

But in the last few weeks (and months), as I've been addicted to opening my shop on Etsy and then dealing with the joys and sadness of pregnancy and loss, my eyes have been opened.

Perhaps Heavenly Father has blessed me with this other talent--sewing and creating. I don't know if it's too premature to be saying this. I honestly hope not. I hope that that window to the big stage has been closed for now and that as I've turned my back on it, so to speak, I've turned around to see other talents that I can be developing at this time, through this new window. I started sewing like mad during the time I was rejected from theatre. It was an emotional and creative outlet--just like acting. But now I see it as a turn in the road. A different direction. My kids are my inspiration for my work and I can be home with them while I do it.

I hope that all made sense and that you had the energy to read it all. Life is interesting. Perhaps my Etsy dream is all in vain too. Perhaps this hellish week simply needed to happen to say, "slow down, pay attention to your family and buck up!" But I don't know.

I have a lot of catching up to do. Being sick sure puts things back. I seriously have at least 7 loads of clean laundry sitting in my hallway that needs to be folded. Oh, I did think of another good thing that happened this week.

While we all had stomach flu (or whatever it is) I got to sleep from 9-3, almost non-stop! The kids were soooo understanding (and Samuel was sick still so he slept too). I only had to clean up and change a few bed linens/diapers. Tyler mostly hung out on the couch and watched golf and Jocelyn. It was miserable being sick but helpful that we were all sick together (Tyler was able to stay home from teaching and I called in sick for my volunteer duty to the family history center).

And the 2nd funny thing (sorry this is so long). As I was trying to puke at 1 am, Samuel had just finished his round of doing so, and came into my bathroom wondering what I was doing. As I was dry-heaving (lovely details, eh?), Tyler later told me, he kept saying, "just relax, mommy....that's what I do". He was coaching me! He sat next to me the whole time I was in the bathroom. Way to go Samuel! He's my little sweetheart. I guess he is learning something from all this vomiting.

Anyway, perspective is an interesting thing. I sometimes wish I could magically turn 55 (even w/all the added physical changes) just to have that wisdom for an hour. But then life wouldn't be worth living if we knew exactly what was going to happen. How boring would that be? I am grateful for faith. I am grateful for eternal families, immediate, extended, all kinds. I am grateful for my ancestors who had struggled before me to pave the path for me and my children. I am grateful for perspective.

Pooping and popcorn

(I'll spare you a photo of pooping)

Well, we just finished watching the Oscars. I don't know about you, but I always dreamed of winning one myself. I even went as far as imagining myself thanking people such as my high school drama teachers. But I also had a dream of becoming a wife and mother and to me, Hollywood and good Mormon values didn't vibe. So I lost that dream (thank heavens) and now dream of clean underwear and no crying!

Today Samuel pooped twice, yes twice, in his underpants. After a few days of allowing him to stay in a diaper while he was sick, he did not poop. But he also did not eat. He had this terrible cough to the point that he vomited, at least 5 times over 3 days. And then he was so dehydrated, even after all the water we were pumping him with, that he woke up w/3 bloody noses, 3 separate times. What's the deal? I feel like a new-born mom again not to mention a laundress in old English times. Plus Jocelyn decided it was turn to be like her neighbor-friend, Josie. They must have swapped secrets because she is now migrating into our bed about 2:30 every morning.

Back to pooping (I am going to see how many times I can say that in one post...just kidding), fortunately, we had set up an appointment w/Samuel's awesome pediatrician a few months ago. It's a check-up specifically for his potty training. I had hoped I would have only good news to share w/him and will be sorry to report that he still has not earned his Lamanite Hero (for pooping at least 7 times on the potty). Instead I am hoping that will be a miracle doctor and cure Samuel, somehow. I really don't know what to do at this point.

Anyway, Tyler made some yummy caramel corn, which was fun for the Academy Awards. We are glad that Heath Ledger won (I was touched...I think he is a great loss). I am addicted to looking at fabric on Etsy and wholesale suppliers online. I have so many fabulous (at least I think so) ideas for my Etsy shop. I can't sew fast enough. I am working on napkin rings, table runners and photo boxes this week for my "Party in a Box" themed package. I keep getting great ideas from online and keep thinking of ways of bettering my original ideas. Anyway, it's fun and I hope I will be able to launch w/something big, on time :) So, if any of you want me to help decorate your kids next birthday party, baby shower or bridal shower, give me a call! I would love to help you out!

Fashion Swap

Read below to see how you can help. If you have any donations please drop them off at my house or leave a comment for me to come pick up items. If any of you want to go down and shop on Friday, I'd love to go w/you as well. I know this is a long post but basically, if you have any clothes hanging around, that you don't want anymore, please let me know. The money raised at this swap meet will go toward building an orphanage in Africa.

What is the Love Swap? The Love Swap is a Swap Meet Style fundraiser that has been created to raise money for the non-profit organization Mothers Without Borders. Go to www.motherswithoutborders.org to learn more about their founder, her cause, and the wonderful things they are doing to alleviate the suffering of AIDS orphans in Zambia. We are collecting clothing and toys that will be sold at GREAT swap-meet style prices and all of the proceeds will go to help MWB build a school for over 600 Zambian orphans! When? Friday, Feb 27^th 10:00 a.m.to 4:00 p.m. Where? Noah’s (644 N. 2000 W. Lindon).

How can I help? There are MANY ways you can assist us in our cause. The simplest way to help out is to go through your closet (and your kids’ closets) and purge all of the things that you no longer use or wear, and turn your donations in to the person who gave you this flyer, or come deliver your donations to us at Noah’s on Thursday, Feb 26 between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m.

Items we would like donated:

*Hangers – Please donate all clothing on hangers (if possible) this can be any type of hanger, but it would really help us organize and display the clothes properly and we would rather not spend the money to purchase hangers as this would take away from the funds that we want to go directly to the children. (Jeans and pants do not need hangers.)

*Women’s clothing and accessories: gently used clothing, handbags, shoes, jewelry, jackets, scarves, etc.

*Infant’s & Children’s clothing: No stains or tears please.

*Toys: Clean out those playrooms! Please polish them up so they are nice and ready to go on the day of the sale.

We’d like to have all donations collected and then HELD until the day before the sale. We will be at Noah’s (644 N. 2000 W. Lindon, UT )to receive donations from 10-6 the entire day before the sale. The sale will be held on Friday, February 27th. For new updates, you can get added to our email list by sending an email to serveutah@live.com this way we can send you the invitation flyer that will be used to INVITE friends and family to shop at the sale.

You can help even further by volunteering to be:

Collectors: distribute "collection" flyers to everyone you know. Collect clothing from friends, family, and neighbors, then hold on to those donations until the day before the swap, and deliver them to Noah’s between 10:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. on Thursday Feb. 26. This is probably the most needed position, especially right now! We want this to be a GREAT sale, so we need as many donations as possible.

Organizers: Help us sort, hang, and organize the clothing and accessories the day before the swap. (Thursday, Feb. 26 from 10-6) This is a BIG job, and we need all the help we can get! Feel free to just show up and go to work.

Promoters: Tell everyone you know to come out and shop! The prices will be wonderful and the clothes will be great! Promotion strategies: Send a mass email to EVERYONE in your address book.(you can get a pre-formatted email sent to you by requesting one at serveutah@live.com Invite everyone you know to come out and shop. You can print out and distribute flyers, email the flyer to everyone in your address book, post the flyer on your blog, and encourage all of your readers to post the flyers on their blogs as well!

Questions? Visit us at serveutah.blogspot.com or email Laura at serveutah@live.com

Sneak peek

My what a difference a good photographer makes! I attempted to take photos of some of my future Etsy shop items and they were very dismal. But I traded some services with my dad and he spent many hours shooting and editing these for me.

I still haven't decided on a shop name. But I have a goal of launching it before Easter (so the end of March). I am leaning toward a French name, something classy yet memorable. Not as easy a task as I thought.

But for now, these can hold you over :) Here are a few peeks at some of my Birthday line.

I am grateful for...

---Samuel pooped a big one in the potty today!

--Pre-school. Although he was bonked in the head by accident, by a hula hoop, Samuel loves his pre-school. However, he comes home exhausted and ornery. We're still hoping he'll take a nap when he gets home.

--Tyler was accepted to BYU Law school. If wouldn't have been, I would have personally called them and given them a piece of my mind. But there was no reason he shouldn't have been accepted. Now we just have to wait to hear from PhD programs and then we'll decide where we will reside this fall.

--for House DVD's from the library. Tyler and finished watching Season 1 this week. My favorite show!!! That and American Idol. I look forward to watching it Mon-Wed nights.

--CPSIA law is on a stay, meaning it won't be passed for another year. That gives us one year to sell our product legally and more time to amend it. Wahoo!

--I am grateful we were able to go to the Draper Open House. What a neat experience! The kids were well behaved the whole time. I quizzed Samuel after to see if he understood the importance of the Temple. I asked him things like, "Was it loud or quiet?", "clean or dirty", "dark or light", etc and he got every answer right and didn't make any goofy remarks about bums, or pee or poop (which are his latest favorite vocab words).

--Going to Chile's in celebration of getting into law school and the kids were perfect!!! That has never happened in a restaurant before!

--Being able to do temple sealings, some from the 1500's, that I had linked to Tyler's family. A perfect Valentine's day date.



--I love the Manti Temple. We were married there and I am still a little biased to it. When we did the sealings this weekend it was perfect because the sun was shining through the windows and lighting the tall ceilings and classic architecture and details of the interior. I loved it.

--Having a wonderful family. We were able to go to my folks this weekend. I was pretty relaxed and I like letting the kids roam free. Plus my talented father took photos of my Etsy stuff and my mom watched the kids so we could go out!!! And Samuel always likes playing w/my little brother, Levi. Samuel was also able to play w/my SIL's nephew and cried when we had to leave. That's how badly he likes playing w/other boys his age. We're happy he has two new and coming male cousins now.

--I am doing well :)

American Idol top picks

Tyler and I have watched every episode of American Idol and are loving it. It's sort of relaxing (commercial free w/Tyler's home theatre PC that he built). It's entertaining and it brings me back to my auditioning and casting days. I know how they feel, to a certain extent.

There are 36 finalists now. I am going to try to narrow it down to MY top 12 not necessarily what the nation will vote for.

My top 3:
1. Danny Gokey (best so far)
2. Lil Rounds (top girl so far)
3. Anoop Desai

this is hard...my other top choices:
1. Alexis Grace
2. Jackie Tohn
3. Jorge Nunez-Mendez
4. Matt Giraud
5. Stevie Wright
6. Scott Macintyre --blind guy

That leaves 3 variable others....

The Young ones (under 18), all very good!
1. Stevie
2. Mishavonna
3. Taylor
4. Jasmine
5. Allison
6. Arianna

Honarable mentions.....they are sweet but probably won't make it to the top 12, or they really have to prove themselves in the next few weeks.

1. Michael Sarver--family man/rough neck--one of my favorites
2. Matt Breitzke--family man/welder
3. Von Smith--I like him, Tyler doesn't
4. Kai Kalama
5. Jasmine
6. Adam Lampert--I really like him but he may be too "dramatic"
7. Alex Wagner-Trugman
8. Nick Mitchell--goofy and funny and decent voice...but not an american idol, not yet anyway
9. all the young ones
10. Kristen McNamara

Lyric forgetters or Brooke wannabe's:
1. Stephen Fowler
2. Anne Marie Boskovich
3. Casey Carlson

Want to be rid of/DIVA's:
1. Nathanial
2. Tatiana

What do you think? Who do you like?

Prince and Princess

After this happened to Jocelyn's birthday crown


I was inspired by Cakies crowns to make my own. And then I thought Samuel needed one too. They only took about an hour and a half to make each one. (the crowns not the chef hats...I didn't make those though I should learn how).

They traded their chef hats (from pre-school lesson "C" for cooking and chef) for these:





Okay, so I am a nerd (and a horrible photographer) and I couldn't decide which picture to use so I chose both of these too.





and while I am at it....I'll share my other crafting ventures (hence the reason my dishes are never done, the house isnt' clean and dinner is not usually on the table in a healthy fashion) I've been busy crafting other things too.



Can you tell what the pink bag was before I embellished it? Or the recycled Izzy pop gift tag?
And the little crayon pouches were pretty simple to make too! Sammy is playing w/his drum (from pre-school). And the cupcakes were my failed attempt at taking pictures of one of my Etsy ideas (cupcake ribbon picks).

So I've had lots of failures (I am learning from them) and lots of creative ideas that I didn't think I had. I am loving this and can't stop thinking about it! Hence the insanity. I love the textures, colors and personalities of fabrics and ribbons. And all the possible combination's that create beautiful things! But life is going pretty well. Can't complain right now :)

Pre-school

Well, I got what I finally wanted. Head Start pre-school called yesterday and told me that Samuel made it in. After a month of not hearing back I assumed there was no chance this would happen so I started teaching him myself. It was hard for me at first. I didn't want to teach him because I felt inadequate and "too busy" and just darn lazy. But I also realized he needed it and so did I. I prayed for confidence and patience to teach him. We had only been having school for 2 weeks and it was going well. We were growing closer to each other. So when Head Start called yesterday I hesitated. I told them I needed a day to think it over. Although it will be in the afternoons and compromise his naps Tyler and I both feel he needs the interaction with kids his age. Plus we think he still might come home at 4 and nap for an hour anyway. Jocelyn will be sad without him and to be honest so will I. But he was ecstatic when I asked him if he wanted to go to school with other kids so I felt better about it.

Here is a photo of him "coming to pre-school". I had he and Jocelyn put their shoes, coats and backpacks on and ring the doorbell. I wanted it to be as formal and separate as possible to open his mind to thinking. oh, and I spent a whole week making that backpack and I don't even like it. I'll spare you the details of all the mistakes I made.....but he likes it and it's a sturdy bag. Oh, and I didn't use a pattern...

So I know this will be a good experience for him. I think it will build his confidence, help him poop on the potty (he's successfully done this twice in the last month....which means he's unsuccessfully done it a million times more than that) and improve his social skills. Plus I do hope he can keep his numbers and letters in order as an added benefit. It will be good for us both and I will miss my little buddy but this is the beginning of school days!

25 Random things about me

1. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 19!!!
2. I was never a huge fan of having lots of kids when I grew up. Still not.
3. We (Tyler and I and our son Samuel) lived in Paris for a year and loved it!!!
4. Was born in California but grew up in Colorado and now my parents live in Utah.
5. I am a huge BYU fan.
6. I graduated (from BYU) in Acting and Theatre Education. I still dream of acting again.
7. My "major" claim to fame is my one worded line in the film "The Singles Ward"
8. I love to sew.
9. I love my husband's cooking better than my own.
10. I used to loathe running but have trained myself to love it and ran a 5K.
11. Chocolate and Alfredo sauce are my favorite foods.
12. I am pretty darn good at genealogy.
13. I love hanging out w/my "girlfriends" including my mom(s) and sisters.
14. I love my in-laws. Is that an oxymoron?
15. I don't have very much confidence in myself.
16. I still get scared of going on stage or presenting things in front of people.
17. I love sharing my labor/delivery stories. I delivered both kids naturally.
18. I am a "list person."
19. I look at food, especially sugar, and gain weight.
20. Tyler, my husband, is my high school sweetheart.
21. I never had braces. My "one beauty" is my naturally curly hair.
22. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.(Mormon/LDS)
23. I dream of opening a shop on Etsy. A website for handmade things.
24. I can't do a cartwheel very well and am very uncoordinated in general.
25. I dream more than I live in reality sometimes.