One of my favorite primary songs, one that I repeat in my mind more often than any other, is A Child's Prayer. The lyrics I repeat most are, "Heavenly Father, are you really there? Do you hear and answer every child's prayer?" In a way it is my way of praying while moving about daily, a prayer that is often in my heart. It seems to me that lately, however, I've taken Heavenly Father for granted. I certainly go through times like this often in my life, but this time it has gone for too long.
I was able to attend the dedication of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple this past Sunday. I went alone so Tyler could stay home and watch the children. I enjoyed the speakers but was not fully touched by the spirit until we sang The Spirit of God together. Tears started streaming down my face and I couldn't finish the verse. I felt the spirit, something that I had not allowed myself to do in a very long time. Lately I've felt I've been past feeling in many areas of life and feeling the spirit and love of Christ included. I was grateful that I was able to be there to be reminded of this wonderful feeling.
Recently I have been able to notice the simple things that the Lord has done for me and my family. Things I did not notice, or even ask for, until after receiving the blessing. Simple, and not yet small to me. Here are just a few things that He has blessed us with.
In May Tyler completed more steps in his educational journey. But we were also jobless. We decided to move in with his parents for 5 weeks and then mine for 5 weeks to earn and save money. This meant we had to sell our contract for our apartment otherwise pay two months rent to be rid of it. That was over $1500. We took the chance and moved out anyway. Fortunately for us, we only had to pay for 1/2 of another month before it was rented out to another family, saving us over $1000. We were blessed financially to not have to pay rent while living with parents plus carry the burden of an unfulfilled contract.
Then we had arranged to live with my grandmother in her basement once school started. Tyler and I spent the first two years of our marriage here and it was a blessing. We wouldn't have had to pay rent, had a private kitchen and been able to help my grandma. However, we would have had to do some renovating to make another bedroom and the kitchen was lacking a few things to be desired. However, as she is aging (she's 92), her ability to drive and take care of herself caused her to move out quickly to a retirement community which left us homeless come August. We didn't know where we were going to live and taking out even more student loans to pay for rent seemed overwhelming. But my dad has a friend who owns a home in Provo. It was vacant and they were seeking caretakers. They are generously allowing us to stay in the basement of this home while they renovate the upstairs. And the biggest blessing is that it's a better arrangement than my grandma's would have been. It has a nicer kitchen, closer to campus, 3 separate bedrooms, as many loads of laundry that we need, and the BEST part of the whole deal, it's virtually free AND it has a huge enclosed backyard with lush green grass, friendly blue jays and visits from snails. It's wonderful. Another sign that He is really there.
The third and final blessing (because this post is longer than I expected) is about our car. We bought a mini-van in cash (because we sold our Sedan to Tyler's sister) almost a year ago. It was fairly cheap and fairly new. However, it's a Ford, and I have reservations with American cars. But it was all we could afford so we bought it. It's been very handy, especially for moving. When we moved we were able to fit our big sofa bed in the back with a little sticking out. Mini-vans aren't as bad as we once thought. But anyway....we (and my father-in-law) had noticed our steering was a little crooked. The steering wheel would be turned nearly 45 degree angle while driving straight! The front right wheel had been banged up so we had that replaced and had it re-aligned. But they couldn't completely align it and suggested we take it somewhere where the frame could be looked at. In the meantime, I procrastinated in doing this. Tyler was too busy working and it was my responsibility to get it checked out. But being sick all summer I dragged my feet. We drove to Utah and Lake Powell and back, putting more miles on the tires and neglecting to have it looked at. But this week as we were driving on the freeway Tyler noticed the problem worsening. The steering wheel would give on it's own, like on a windy day, when the car sort of moves by itself. That scared us enough to just take the darn thing in. The guy said we were extremely lucky that the wheel had not already popped off because it was basically bare bones in there. With all the highway traveling we have done this summer, our lives and car were spared. Yes, we'll have to pay at least $1000 to get it fixed but our children are still living and we were never in any accidents. It scares me to think of what could have happened to us. The wheel could have fallen off during any of those trips but He looked over us, even when we didn't' realize we needed it.
Why does He do this? Why does He look after me when I regrettably have forgotten about Him? He does know our thoughts and our desires. Even when I am not communicating with Him my needs, wants, fears, gratitude's He still blesses me. Even when I don't feel worthy of His blessings He still shares them with me and my little family. The only explanation I can think of for his outpouring of blessings is because He loves me. He loves my children. He loves my husband. He must trust me and Tyler enough to raise them and even bring another to this earth. Even when I don't trust myself He must.
I am grateful that He loves us.
I am grateful that He is merciful and forgiving.
I am grateful that I know Him.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Yes, I am still here. Somewhere amidst mountains of boxes and house guests. I have felt like Punchinello a little too much. But it is so nice to not be living out of a suitcase especially after doing so for nearly 4 months!! And Jocelyn and Sammy love our "new home" which makes things so much nicer.
Actually, our mountains of boxes are pretty much gone. It is such a nice feeling to be able to walk through our living room without tripping on corrugated cardboard and piles of "stuff to go back into storage." Now I just have to organize the stuff, find new homes for the random things that had a home in our last place, and then hang up photos, art, etc....
I haven't posted in over a month. Have you missed me? I have missed blogging a bit, but only a little bit. I will blog as often as I can fit in in the next few days, which, let's be honest, probably won't be much :). And I will be starting backwards with what has happened this summer like my sister's wedding, Lake Powell, ER visits and Tyler's graduation clear back in May!!