Sorry for 2 long posts in a day. If you get through this...hooray for you! :) I won't be offended if you don't.
Okay, I don't want to be a ventilator but sometimes it's nice to know that other people have these kinds of days too. Perhaps the title is being a little dramatic. Kind of like Jocelyn and her little fits or Samuel's fake crying. Or my mom's exaggerated stories of her childhood or Tyler's increasingly expensive quote of my sister Rosemary's prom dress. Or just like the infomercials that have to admit that dramatic emphasis is added. Perhaps my day was like that title.
Well, it started off with a new habit of running with my newish friend Stephanie (and I might add, my 20 week pregnant friend!!!). This is the 4th 6:30am session that we've done and I've increasingly gotten tireder and what seems slower. But it still feels great!
But then as I was doing some Pilates with Wendy I was distracted by Samuel and Jocelyn asking for a third snack since breakfast and them trying to be nice to Wendy's baby...I still feel I got another good workout though.
Then after my much needed and warm shower, I put on my denim capris. Or should I say, squeezed into my denim capris. I nearly cried. I felt like a belly of flab with two sausages attached. You know how there is that outer skin covering the meat and mostly fat? Well, that is what I felt like. And these suckers were stretchy and did not feel so tight a few weeks ago! So why do I work out at all? Or is it the cookie dough that I snarfed down a few weeks ago? Who knows...I simply know where the term "uptight" comes from now bcse when I am squeezing into clothing like this it certainly doesn't help my mood.
After this I turned off the TV (Samuel loves it when I put Jocelyn to bed or shower bcse it's a guarantee that he'll get to watch TV) and informed Samuel that we would get to go to the Wheeler Farm and a special movie tomorrow with Parker. He had just peed so I thought he was good. But I suppose in all of the excitement of the news, he wet his pants.....after a long weekend of accidents already. I was so mad. I decided that we were not going to the farm and would not talk to him for the next 20 minutes. I know, really mature. He kept nagging me to go, naturally. So then he decided at 11 am that he was hungry for lunch. So I gave him a PB sandwich and proceeded to check my email while he begged me to play mariokart. After shedding a few tears in frustration I remember myself falling asleep in the living room chair and awoke to the sound of banging from the bathroom. I vaguely remember Samuel saying he had to go the bathroom (hooray!) but was sorely disappointed to find a toilet full of 1/2 a roll of toilet paper. I tried not to lose my cool and had him clean up the mess himself, in which he cut the same finger that he cut yesterday. So after his hysteria was over I fed Jocelyn and he some more lunch I just wanted to leave. I went shopping and hope we don't get sick for leaving food in the car for a long time. And the internet didn't work at the Family History Library so I had to leave that early (ugh) and didn't get much done.
I didn't want to be anywhere. Not at home, not outside, not at the temple, not at the family history library, not at the mall, not anywhere. I think I just wanted to float around and relax and watch the clouds go by with the breeze brushing up against my face. I wanted to escape the reality that is my life. I want to escape toilets, underwear, cleaning underwear, food, money, dramatic fits, emails, etc. Tyler reminds me it's called escapism. Who doesn't? But the last two days have been really good full of clean house, exercise, healthier controlled eating, finished long lost projects and starting new ones! Yesterday was a great day so I knew today would be a let down but I suppose I just hoped Samuel would voluntarily go #2 on the potty and that I would feel slimmer today. Dream on!
I have a headache now but can look at my picked up living room while listening to Jocelyn coo herself to sleep. At least she's been easy lately :)
I hope you enjoyed this downer of a post...maybe got some chuckles or some remembrances of your own terrible, horrible, no good very bad days!
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I think every single mom in the world has days like that. Seriously, it helps me to know that I'm not the only one who gets cranky with my kids when I've just had enough! In fact, I was woken up this morning by one of my children telling me he had a pee-pee accident in the night and the first thing he did was tell me he didn't mean to because he was asleep. He seriously thought he was in trouble and I was going to lose my temper. Apparently I'm a super great roll model for patience and charity . . . not! Hang in there! You're not alone!
ReplyDeleteOh yes Hannah, you are not the only one and it's so good to hear about other moms that have these bad days. Hang in there, it does get better and then you'll have another and then it gets better and then you'll have another one and then it will get better and then the kids will be gone and you'll still have days like this! Enjoy them, they don't last long!:) I know that's the last thing you want to hear right now but it's really true! We went to the park today where they have that creek and really missed you. I knew you would have been there today and thought about you. I missed ya! Here's to a better tomorrow!:)
ReplyDeleteYou're not the only one. I woke up today already moody. At breakfast Tralee took the straw out of her milk and dumped it all over the floor, her high chair, and herself. This is a regular occurrence, but today I was ready to break down. I had to say a quick prayer and ask for help to control my mood. It worked, I feel much better. I can also sympathize with the whole trying on pants thing. I went shopping, and thought that maybe the next size down would fit -- since I've been trying to eat healthier. I don't even know why I tried, I couldn't get the pants passed my knees! Wishful thinking I guess.
ReplyDeleteOh. . . I'm on Goodreads. I need to figure out what my sign-in name is so we can become goodreads friends.
Well this probably won't help you feel better, but after reading your post I don't feel quite so bad about not being able to get pregnant. :) We are definitely enjoying our freedom while we have it. Can't wait to see you next week at the reunion!
ReplyDeleteread my blog, I know exactly how you feel.
ReplyDeleteOh Hannah! You should totally read my blog post. I feel you might really understand, haha. We all have these kinds of days.
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass! Sometimes I just hide in the closet and cry...mom's need time outs too! Life is so hard sometimes but I have found that it brings me closer to the Lord. You have a great family and they will bring you joy...hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Heather. I know I have to barricade myself in a room until I get control of my emotions! You need a Hannah day to do whatever you want!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so candid. I can completely understand how you feel about working out! Why do I even bother? My baby is seven months and her first house's leftovers are still on me!!! I guess if I didn't eat (somewhat) right and exercise, I'd probably just be fatter... boy, there's good motivation.
ReplyDeleteHannah,
ReplyDeleteI agree, we all have those no good, very bad days and I'm sorry you had one. The good things though, sounds like you have some great goals and that you are actually trying to accomplish them. Remember that at first it's always the hardest. Just keep up the good work, you are an amazing mother, cousin, person, friend. I hope things start to look up from here on out.
Hang in there. It will pay off. Get rid of all temptations too. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. A moment on the lips... forever on the hips. You stuff, you puff. These are the magnets my mom had on the fridge when I was growing up. You are beautiful anyway. Don't get discouraged.
ReplyDelete