Wow! This week I've had a serious attitude problem w/myself and my family. I don't know why! I am not menstruating. I have been a bit overwhelmed lately. I am addicted to my "job" doing genealogy, nervous about auditioning for a show next week (mainly bcse I haven't done it in so long), I hosted that party last weekend and I am still recovering, reading for book club and leisure, planning a high school class reunion (why did I volunteer to help my BF again? Oh, yeah, bcse I lover her and I want to help her make this thing happen), trying to balance it all on top of the usual routine of being a mom and sometimes a wife. Luckily, my church callings are nothing burdensome. And I've been regularly exercising and consciously trying to eat healthier and yet my clothes feel tighter!>?#$*** And my back has hurt for the last month and I get headaches when I wear my contacts and I feel frumpy, my boobs sag lower each day and I have pimples! What the heck?!@%#($*#**^
I don't want this to be a loathsome blog to read but I am feeling the blues. Yes, I've thought about walking away. Pretend I'm not a mommy anymore. I remember when my mom would just storm out of the house at like 9pm at night. We'd ask where she was going and she'd say "away!" and I felt so horrible. I didn't know why she would want to leave us and be alone! NOW I completely understand! I have more in common w/my mom than I thought.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent for a little bit. Perhaps bcse Valentines Day is overrated. Or perhaps bcse my hopes and expectations are always dashed to pieces by reality. Or because I can't keep my life in order. My house becomes a mess in seconds. I clean up milk spills at least 5 times a day. I know, I know, you're thinking, "So, what? What's new? So do I" Well, this week it's been really bothering me. And to be honest, I don't want your sympathy. I don't want your understanding. I don't want your side of the story either. Is that selfish or what? Perhaps I just need advice. Not the fluffy kind either. Serious, truthful kind. So I know if no one leaves any comments than I'll know that I was too selfish and that I scared you all away!
But that brings me to a whole other debate. When is selfish being too selfish? How "selfless" do we have to be w/o sacrificing our self worth? When does exercise, eating healthy (that doesn't mean NOT eating bcse you don't have time bcse you're too occupied w/other things...anyone?....), reading for pleasure, going on dates, taking bubble baths, keeping up w/hair cuts, plucking brows, etc.....come first? When do you put yourself before others? Why do we always assume we have to put everyone else first? Who ever said that? I think if we want to be the best women, mom's and friends, we must put ourselves first. I believe that I just don't know how to do it all the time. Naturally, we have to think of others. Duh. But if we are always tending to our children, running around in our pj's all day worrying about this and that, the laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc....than aren't we huge monsters? How is that fair to our kids? our husbands? our friends? It's not. We have to be ourselves! We have to take time for ourselves and not feel guilty for it! We have to ask our husbands to do things to help bcse if you're husband is like mine...they are a little clueless. They don't notice so they don't ask to help. The best way to get Tyler's attention is to either yell or cry. Which is lame. But guys tend to be that way. At least in this house.
Again, any advice is welcome. I am sorry for the depressing blog. I needed to vent and I can't find my journal. Or do I have one?
I love you all!!!!!! You are my readers! You are my friends! Thank you friends! I also have several faithful family readers too! Thank you to my cousins, Marci, Tyler's grandparents and Aunt Andrea! Other than those family members no one reads this (I don't think)! Thank you! I love you all! You are great examples to me! I appreciate your kindness and depend on it!
Hannah! Don't worry. Seriously, I agree that you should put yourself first. I work out and eat right because it makes me feel tons better and because it gets Ben's attention. He doesn't like to come home to a frumpy wife, and I don't want to be that. Also, life isn't perfect, and we don't have to be either! If you don't clean the house one day, oh well. Move on to the next day. Don't stress about it and just keep going along. Stressing out isn't going to help much. And if you are really that overwhelmed, tell Tyler that he needs to help you out at home. Have him cook dinner a few nights a week or fold laundry or clean the bathroom or something to help take the load off. And don't let him tell you that he is tired from working all day, because we all know that mom's work harder then anyone! Just some thoughts, hope that things get better!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Nikki. You have to demand Tyler's help. He has to know that your job isn't everything except providing. He just forgets. Don't get hurt, just make yourself known. If he doesn't remember that he is supposed to make dinner 3 nights a week, he will quickly remember when he comes home starving and there is nothing on the table. He likes to cook anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe mess thing is so true and we all face it. My friend Becca made a proclamation last year that just made sense. She said, "I have decided to embrace my destiny!" Meaning, cleaning up and folding clothes and endless laundry, and muddy kids are not going to go away. So she decided to learn to enjoy it. I don't know how you do that, but it probably just requires a change in attitude. It seems like every older woman says the same thing, "I wish I wouldn't have spent so much time cleaning and would have spent more time enjoying my children." Just clean once a day. When someone comes over, quickly apologize and then ignore it. That is what I always did in Wymount. Did you ever see my apartment clean? And there is hope because when you get a larger home, you will be able to isolate the messes to the kitchen and the playroom more easily. Just hang in there for now. And then just go eat some chocolate... not Hershey's, but the expensive kind. It does wonders. Best of luck!
April
Well, I'll tell you one thing. Definitely don't be jealous of me! Our blog is just the good times. And even in half of those pictures, we weren't on talking terms, but just smiled for the picture. I promise. You are so not alone in being frustrated with your husband and with life. Reading your post made me feel better because I know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteFind a support group and stick to it. The one thing that guarantees a good day for me is waking up early and having my alone time to read and exercise or whatever. I end up sleeping in till 8 90% of the time but when I actually do wake up early, I always have a good day. Find something that is just for you and makes you happy and do it! I love you Hannah!
Dude, ask your hubby for help. I also find myself yelling or crying, and that seems to get him going. But, it's so much easier (sometimes) to just ask him to help. And, we had a good talk about it once, and decided that I need to ask for help more often, and he needed to just offer to help more often, and it seems to work most of the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd, pimples? Yep, me too. I thought that was supposed to go away with puberty!
One more thing: If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Remember that you NEED to take care of yourself. You will feel better all around, and be able to accomplish the other things you want to do.
Hannah don't we all have those days? You are just the only one brave enough to blog about it!
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to do just what you did and that's get it out of your system! I've realized that when I'm feeling lousy, a good whining session or a good cry is all it takes to make me feel better.
Also, find something you can do just for you and make it a weekly, scheduled thing (while Tyler has the kids (& don't forget to mention the dishes should be done when you get home!) For me, it was a ballet class once a week and I can't wait to go back in a few months!
Hannah--I think there are way too many women (especially LDS women) who believe they have to be perfect. YOU DON'T. You are asked to do your best.
ReplyDeleteAnd even that statement sometimes is taken as a challenge to be "almost" perfect.
IT'S NOT!
Heavenly Father would be so impressed if we were nearly perfect nearly all the time. But He knows it isn't possible. And, He cares about you.
You NEED to take care of you first. Honestly. This includes building your personal relationship with Heavenly Father.
Next comes your relationship with Tyler. And then your kids.
I know I have never actually experienced all that you are going through and have gone through. But you asked for advice. You've just got to let some things go. But, that doesn't mean YOU have to leave things out that honestly make you happier and healthier all the time.
Yes! Take care of yourself. And yes! Your other friends and family have posted amazing advice as well.
Oh I am so glad that you can post these things hannah. I know you don't want sympathy, but this is what I have learned, so take it as advice I guess.
ReplyDeleteI was nursing and preg for 3 years straight. I can't even say that I had more than 2 weeks of sleeping through the night in those three years. I was a mess! I tried every day to get "out of it" meaning, be better at this or that. But I was just so dang tired!!!
Then, I decided...I have given so much these past 3 years, I need to start thinking about ME so that the people that I REALLY care about will get the BEST me. I started to work out, eat better, and start doing my art work. when I was doing the things that I LOVED, I was happy. happier. When I felt more like "ME" I was more willing to do the dishes, do the laundry, and clean the bathroom. Why? Because I felt more complete as a person, and not just a "slave" to everything around me.
I also agree with the "embrace it" Idea. Just like when you are sick..the more you think about how sick you are and how you hate being sick, the worse you feel. But when you ACCEPT that you feel like junk, and know that is just how things are right now, it becomes bearable. Right now, I am trying. kenneth just had to laugh the other day when I said "AHHHH!!!! I have cleaned the kitchen 4 times already, and look at it!!!" He laughed, bc I said that the day before and the day before that. Here's the truth. I know women who ACHE for their house to be messy because it means that little kids would be around. I started looking at it that way. I am so in love with my kids, and that means that I will clean eveyday.
BUT...when I have had that "bubble bath" or ME time, I am much more ready to take on the chore.
Call me:)
I loved this post!!!! I so wish I could put into words the things that stress me or bother me AND have the guts to blog about it. You are so real. If I posted something like this, I would worry because I think people would see me as weak, but I am realizing after reading this that I only think better of you! It makes you seem like a friend that I could go to about anything!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any advice accept that your children are a huge blessing, not that that means you have to live your life just for them and forget about yourself. Sometimes when I'm down, I have to tell Brett what he need to do everyday to make me happy. It changes everyday too. Sometimes its cleaning, cooking or a massage. I just tell him "this is what I need from you right now, at this very moment" Then I tell him how happy he makes me afterward.
Hey Hannah- sometimes I scream in my pillow or lock myself in my closet......so I think, You are so normal!
ReplyDeleteThe squeaky wheel gets the grease- keep on kindly asking/telling Heavenly Father what you need as well as your husband. Hang in there sista!