deals

Does anyone read my deals blog? If not, I'll just stop doing it. But if there are enough of you out there...it will be worth keeping up.

www.bloglines.com
This website is great to keep track of other people's blogs. You add it to your favorites at the top of your banner thingy thing of your internet main page and you open the blog of your choice and then click on that icon (the bloglines one) at the top and it will save it for you. Then you can just check bloglines and it will let you know when someone posts something new. Make sense? Just check it out.

In Tyler's defense

Well, it has been two weeks since my bout of depression and to be honest, I am not completely normal. I think it's mainly due to lack of excitement for life. Not being able to act in a show right now. I am just struggling to find balance b/w work, personal desires, family life, housekeeping and other hobbies. But since I suggested Tyler read that other blog (which he normally doesn't do) he has helped out. At first, he was a little upset that he looked like the bad guy. But he has helped around the house even w/o me having to ask him! whoa! That surprises me. And when I do ask for help he doesn't groan.

So thank you for all of your wonderful advice. It really helped. First to know that I have friends who care enough to be honest. And secondly, your advice helped me...and others too! Those who read them have been enriched by what you shared also.

But back to Tyler. He is a renaissance man. That is why I married him. He is so talented. The only difference b/w him and Vincent Van Gogh (the ultimate renaissance man) is that he doesn't paint. But he does pretty much everything else. He cooks, sings, plays musical instruments, teaches, plays and watches sports, plays games of all kinds, loves children and playing w/them, he's neat and clean, he speaks 3 languages (and 2 dead ones), he loves to learn. He is talented and keeps me on my toes. He is honest w/me and I appreciate that! I do love him for the fact that he makes me a better person. I only hope we can keep on doing that together. Making each other better. Bringing out the best and not the worst.

And the Oscar goes to...

Not me! I did not get a part in The Miracle Worker. Yes, I am sad. I am not in tears....so I am better off than I hoped to be. But I did buy some ice cream and got a movie from Redbox. I hope to get a hold of the director to see what I may have done better to have been cast. I agree w/the casting choice for Annie Sullivan but I think I could have easily played the mother of Helen. Perhaps I was too tall. Perhaps my accents weren't good enough (though I thought they were good), perhaps I sweat too much and grossed them out, perhaps I was not vulnerable enough (though I was proud of myself in that category).....the list could go on and on. I may never know. That is the challenge w/acting. Usually one one person is chosen (it was single cast for this show) and it is so competitive. Sigh. I truly hope and pray there will be another role for me later this summer.....I really, really do bcse now is the time...I am not nursing or waking up every 3 hours at night. We'll see.

Waiting...........

I hate waiting. Today I am waiting for:

--the call. Am I in or no call....I am not in. I went to call backs for The Miracle Worker on Saturday and I felt I did really well for either the role of Annie or the mother, Kate. I would be happy w/either. But There were 3 other gals who were good too. So, rehearsals start tomorrow and they told us they'd let us know if we were cast sometime before then. They never let you know if you're not.

--waiting for Jocelyn to feel better. She got sick on Thursday night and is still not feeling the same.

--waiting for Samuel to grasp the whole potty-training thing. He's had several successful pee-pee's in the potty and several successful accidents as well.

--waiting for clean clothes to be dried.

So, in the mean time, to get my mind off of these things. I think I'll go do some genealogy.

I was tagged....again.

My two beautiful cousins specifically tagged me and so I will try to combine the two w/o repeating info that I did a few blogs ago.

What I was doing 10 years ago......livin' up my senior year....memorizing lines for Guys and Dolls.

5 Things on my "To-Do" list:
1. practice monologue for audition tonight
2. pick up headshot from Costco.
3. make dinner
4. make sure Samuel doesn't accidentally pee on the floor again
5. dishes

3 bad habits I have:
1. yelling at my kids
2. putting off housework
3. not appreciating my husband enough

Day of choice? weekends

Places I've lived:
Mnt. View, CA
Arvada, CO
Provo, UT
Spanish Fork, UT
Murray, UT
London, England
Paris, France

Marriage date: October 17

Favorite indulgence: chocolate

Phobias/fears? lots.....auditioning, failure, creepy creatures like ugly spiders

Reason to smile: my kids make me laugh, accomplishing something

Season of choice: the fall

Vegetable: anything green and sauteed carrots

Oranges or Apples? apples...honeycrisp are the BEST!

# of brothers/sisters: 2 of each kind

I am tagging Melissa, Jennie, Nora, Sarah, Stephanie and Mica!

PS...

do you feel guilty for being a working mother? Or for those who have (but quit recently due to pregnancy) in the past?

Attitude and being selfish

WARNING.....Please don't read if you aren't already in a sour mood......and it's really long.

Wow! This week I've had a serious attitude problem w/myself and my family. I don't know why! I am not menstruating. I have been a bit overwhelmed lately. I am addicted to my "job" doing genealogy, nervous about auditioning for a show next week (mainly bcse I haven't done it in so long), I hosted that party last weekend and I am still recovering, reading for book club and leisure, planning a high school class reunion (why did I volunteer to help my BF again? Oh, yeah, bcse I lover her and I want to help her make this thing happen), trying to balance it all on top of the usual routine of being a mom and sometimes a wife. Luckily, my church callings are nothing burdensome. And I've been regularly exercising and consciously trying to eat healthier and yet my clothes feel tighter!>?#$*** And my back has hurt for the last month and I get headaches when I wear my contacts and I feel frumpy, my boobs sag lower each day and I have pimples! What the heck?!@%#($*#**^

I don't want this to be a loathsome blog to read but I am feeling the blues. Yes, I've thought about walking away. Pretend I'm not a mommy anymore. I remember when my mom would just storm out of the house at like 9pm at night. We'd ask where she was going and she'd say "away!" and I felt so horrible. I didn't know why she would want to leave us and be alone! NOW I completely understand! I have more in common w/my mom than I thought.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent for a little bit. Perhaps bcse Valentines Day is overrated. Or perhaps bcse my hopes and expectations are always dashed to pieces by reality. Or because I can't keep my life in order. My house becomes a mess in seconds. I clean up milk spills at least 5 times a day. I know, I know, you're thinking, "So, what? What's new? So do I" Well, this week it's been really bothering me. And to be honest, I don't want your sympathy. I don't want your understanding. I don't want your side of the story either. Is that selfish or what? Perhaps I just need advice. Not the fluffy kind either. Serious, truthful kind. So I know if no one leaves any comments than I'll know that I was too selfish and that I scared you all away!

But that brings me to a whole other debate. When is selfish being too selfish? How "selfless" do we have to be w/o sacrificing our self worth? When does exercise, eating healthy (that doesn't mean NOT eating bcse you don't have time bcse you're too occupied w/other things...anyone?....), reading for pleasure, going on dates, taking bubble baths, keeping up w/hair cuts, plucking brows, etc.....come first? When do you put yourself before others? Why do we always assume we have to put everyone else first? Who ever said that? I think if we want to be the best women, mom's and friends, we must put ourselves first. I believe that I just don't know how to do it all the time. Naturally, we have to think of others. Duh. But if we are always tending to our children, running around in our pj's all day worrying about this and that, the laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc....than aren't we huge monsters? How is that fair to our kids? our husbands? our friends? It's not. We have to be ourselves! We have to take time for ourselves and not feel guilty for it! We have to ask our husbands to do things to help bcse if you're husband is like mine...they are a little clueless. They don't notice so they don't ask to help. The best way to get Tyler's attention is to either yell or cry. Which is lame. But guys tend to be that way. At least in this house.

Again, any advice is welcome. I am sorry for the depressing blog. I needed to vent and I can't find my journal. Or do I have one?

I love you all!!!!!! You are my readers! You are my friends! Thank you friends! I also have several faithful family readers too! Thank you to my cousins, Marci, Tyler's grandparents and Aunt Andrea! Other than those family members no one reads this (I don't think)! Thank you! I love you all! You are great examples to me! I appreciate your kindness and depend on it!